They’re pretty much the epitome of the horrors of the human race.  Beyond war, beyond senseless violence, beyond 2 Girls 1 Cup, there are perfume commercials, and I can’t stand to watch them. 

During the year it’s pretty much whatever.  I mean, the ads are out there, but they’re kind of like shark attacks, and you only come across them once every short while.  Now that it’s the holidays, it’s like a minefield. I ever heard one on the radio, no joke.  Some voice, rambling about something stupid, then the name of the perfume.  

I know, it’s hard to sell a scent.  But seriously, is this perfume going to smell like Gwyneth Paltrow’s eye? Oh, I get it, it’s going to smell like being young.  That’s bullshit.  If anything, these commercials just add to the confusion.  But I guess, since women are the most confused organisms to ever walk this Earth, it speaks to them and it sells.

The worst part of the whole thing is that they sneak up on you.  I was just watching the Simpsons, and now I’m watching Gwyneth Paltrow talking gibberish into the camera from a close up so tight I can see her DNA structure.  I used to like you, Gwen.  You used to be one of my heroes.  I want my sweater back.

And all I keep thinking this entire time is that it’s the Holidays.  When all we should be seeing is this beautiful Holiday mumbo-jumbo, which I’ll admit, gets annoying after the 22^nd week, we keep getting these little insane ads for perfume that belong in an empty art gallery in east LA.

I’m going to In and Out today.  Word.  Also, I have something to write about a little later, but I want to see how it ends up.  So…check back later today or tomorrow.

Hannah Montana should make her own perfume.

You just got told, via teller.

The title of this blog is not being used anywhere else as a title of a blog, just as a subject. This might not seem like a problem, but it lead to hiccups when searching our name. It is for this reason that I propose radical change on the Internet to secure our identity.

Since this is a relatively new blog and they were here first, we can simply go out and copyright the name. You can’t just move into someone’s house, even if they don’t care about it as much as you. If that were the case, homeless people wouldn’t be homeless and rich people wouldn’t be home…ists….people…

The Internet is like the Wild West, and I don’t mean giant robot spider vs. will smith, I mean there are no rules. It’s Thunderdome. Two men enter, one man leaves, only there about 1.1 billion people, and they don’t necessarily have to leave. Battling for your rights to have something someone else has on the Internet isn’t an easy thing to do. But I have a plan to do it.

In the old west, if someone came into town, and they were bigger than you, they could take whatever they wanted from you, and you couldn’t do a thing about it- except dual. At high noon, in the longest and most popular dirt road in town, you would take up pistols and prepare to draw. It is at this moment that I challenge the following bloggers to a dual:

Kay from “Seriocity” (http://seriocity.blogspot.com/2007/02/all-your-blog-are-belong-to-us.html)

Marc from “Marc’s WoW” (badanimal3.blogspot.com/2006/06/all-your-blog-are-belong-to-us.html)

Tanner Morrison from “Tannermorrison.com” (http://tannerm.wordpress.com/2006/04/14/all-your-blog-are-belong-to-us/)

Let it be known, all THEIR blog will soon belong to us, and they will serve as an example to all future AllYourBloggers.

You have 48 hours to comply.

You just got served, via server.

Wasssssssap?!?! My name is Joe, and i’m a BIG fan (250 pounds, 5 foot 11). I’ve enjoyed playing many of your games over the years, and of the most amazing has been Super Smash Bro.s and Super Smash Bro.s Melee. I’ll admit that at first i was skeptical about how great a game could be where all my favorite nintendo character’s beat the bejesus out of each other. It wasn’t until years after Smash Bro.’s first release that i actually got to play it, and it occupied my life for many months in the year of 2004.

I’ll cut to the chase: What the fuck? I thought this game was only for characters that appear under the Nintendo umbrella! Woe, and lo! I was wrong. I might enjoy using Sonic once or twice, or enjoy beating the hell out of Snake (since he looks so much like Kid Rock), but I still think there are a ton of killer characters that can be included in your game that fall under the umbrella of Nintendo.

A few of your most over looked characters include the likes of Bald Bull, the Bubble Bobble guys, and the dude from Burger Time. Mayo can be a weapon, on this I insist! There is nothing more disappointing than seeing these amazing characters sit on the side lines.

However, if the rules are being broken, allow me to make a few more suggestions on characters that may be omitted in your fit of madness:

Bob’s Big Boy, who’s abilities include standing still, and flying through space.

The Leprecon from the Leprecon movies, who can shine your shoes and make you all slippery.

Sydney Poitier who’s portrail of Walter Lee Younger in “A Rasin in the Sun” will bring your characters to tears.

Monster Truck. I think this is pretty self explanatory.

and finally, Westley Willis.

I hope you don’t throw these character ideas aside. They may be what makes or breaks your next title.

Do not worry about compensation, being able to play as Leprecon would be payment enough.

xoxo,

joe

PS: Other possible characters include: Elefun, PJ Harvey, the 1997 Pittsburgh Steelers, Joe Piscapo, Hannah Montana (x fingers!!!!), Johnny 5, Batman on fire in a trashcan, Micheal Jordan, Hillary Clinton (NPC please), a dinet set, Bob Barker, a bowl of rice, Holden, Die Hard, Christopher Reeves (post-horse), Satan and Jesus (look out ice climbers), the  marbles (a la marble madness), Robocop, Grey Ghost, Dragon from Dragon Heart, Blankman, Office Barbrady, Bebe’s Kids, the Fonz, my friend David, and Nic Cage.

But for the next few entries, this will be where i started, and so it will be until my later works cover up my tracks.

I guess all i really want to say is, enjoy.