You don’t have enough delegates. OK? You just don’t, maybe if this was a republican race you could somehow pull it off but its not. the delegates are split based on the vote and as such you just wont be able to make it. It’s even highly unlikely that you will even be able to win in the popular vote category. I think it should tell people something when everywhere you go, your numbers drop. What kind of person loses popularity as people get to know them better. Not like it’s hard to see why people would continually decide to turn away from you. What with your lying, your shady background, your mockery of your political opponent, your apparent contempt of the American people, your complete lack of grace, and of course your willingness to break rules which you have previously agreed to. And not just to break them, but to break them for the sole purpose of benefiting yourself. I can understand what you’re trying to do here Hillary; even if I don’t agree with it I understand it. What I can’t understand is how someone could watch all of your shenanigans and think that any of these qualities would make a good president. What person who believes in a democracy would accept a leader chosen not by the people of America, but by a special 300 people who, unlike their historical counterparts, don’t even have the decency to make the decision in a “smoky back room.” I don’t think the kind of very patriotic person you pretend to be would stand for something like that.

And uncommitted super delegates, you need to vote and put Hillary out of her misery. She can’t seem to be able to stop herself. And don’t give me any of that let the states finish voting otherwise you’re just disenfranchising the rest of the voters. Lets not kid ourselves, OK? Unfortunately for them that’s how this works. Since McCain has become the presumptive nominee for his party not a single vote cast in a republican primary has mattered even one bit. And not a word about disenfranchised voters. It’s just the way it works. So lets make it work.

Well, I could have borrowed a dollar, but seriously, I don’t like borrowing money. Borrowing money is like giving someone a free ticket to ask you for money later. “Remember that dollar you owe me?” “How’s about you buy me this and we’ll call it even.” I hate this. I hate this mainly because I don’t carry money on my person ever. So, when someone asks me for the money, or to spot them, I know i’m going to have to end up looking like a poor idiot who doesn’t want to admit that technology hasn’t replaced paper money and metal coin yet.

(Side note: I hear the USA is planning on stopping production of pennies. This would have been a smart idea, like…i don’t know, forty years ago. Today though, we’re all moving to digital money, and while it’s a frightening thought, metal and paper will soon not be anywhere in our currency.)

Anyway, my other option was to ask someone for money, just flat out, but I’m not a bum, so scratch that idea.

So, while I was thinking about stealing it, or starting a tab at our cyber cafe, I came up with something quiet remarkable. I approached a coworker and asked her a simple question that would change my life forever.

“Can I forever borrow a dollar?”

And I never have to pay her back.

 You just got moved, via mover.

(Update: It has now worked 2 times. I think people just think it’s funny, so they play along. I say that’s fine, so long as i get a dollar!) (I’ve also noticed that putting a “!” at the end of one-liners or punch lines kills the joke like none other.)

So, in order to work as a teacher in the state of California, one has to swear to the Oath of Allegiance It goes a little something like this…and I quizote:

I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend

the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of

the State of California against all enemies, foreign and

domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the

Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of the

State of California; that I take this obligation freely, without

any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will

well and faithfully discharge the duties upon which I am about

to enter. 

Lame. First of all, I DO have mental reservations to signing this, and I don’t take it freely. They’re making me sign this to work as a teacher. MAKING ME, so it’s not like I’m doing it freely at all.

What’s the big deal? Well, the part that really gets me is the whole “I will..defend the constitution…against all enemies, foreign and domestic.” I’m not going to defend shit. They make officers of the military say this oath. I’m not taking up arms against anyone, ever. Not only do I not agree with any of the wars we’ve fought in since World War II, but I’d probably kill myself before I killed anyone else.

It’s pretty insane that they make teachers say this oath. They even make UC graduate students say this to get aid from the government, from what I can understand. Totally weird, lame, and bullshit.

I basically was faced with a choice: I could not sign it, feel good about myself and never become a teacher, or I could sign it, rub some dirt on my morals a bit, and just hope it never comes up again. I’ve wanted to be a teacher most my life, and recently I decided to hold off on that for a while, but I was still trying to get a job working for the Torrance district, maybe doing some networking. I didn’t want to have to throw it all away because of some oath.

When I went to turn in my insane amount of paperwork, and the man at the window found that I hadn’t signed the oath, I asked him if I really had to. He said yeah. So I added a bunch of stuff under the oath in a blank space, saying that my duties are limited to that of a teacher, I’m never taking up arms for an country and am not expected to by signing the paper, and that the signature and the paper and everything becomes null and void when I leave the job for whatever reason.

I’m not sure how legal what I did is, nor am I too sure what people are going to do when they see that. Maybe the government will put me on a black list, thinking I’m a communist or something. Maybe the school board will deny me later in life. Hell, maybe a couple guys in suits will be waiting for me when I go to get my TB test. I mean, this is part of the Homeland Security bullshit that we’re all paying so much for.

Whatever happens, at least I spoke my peace.

You’ve just been spooned, via spooner.