absurdities of everyday

Cable Ready

By Player 2 ⋅ April 19, 2008 ⋅  Email this post ⋅  Print this post ⋅ Post a comment

Let’s do this.

For the first time in my life, i have cable.  Ok, that’s kind of untrue.  When i was about 10, my dad started stealing cable like most lower-middle class apartment dwellers did in the mid 90’s.  Unfortunately, my father’s conscious got the best of him and he decided that freaking out every time a cop car or cable van drove down the street wasn’t worth the 30 or so free channels we were stealing.

Today, I live on my own and since my roommates wanted cable, I have cable.  I could have done without it, but it’s just easier to do things like this than to force myself not to watch TV in any room but my own.

One of my exgirlfriends, we’ll call her Devil Bitch, was lactos intolerent.  She couldn’t eat anything with even the smalled amounts of milk or she’d need to go to the hospital.  As we were dating she was taking these pills that allowed her body to be able to tolerate more and more products with more and more milk.  When we first started dating she got a call from her doctor and he said she could eat cheese, so she had her first slice and couldn’t stop.  Imagine never having eaten cheese your whole life, and eating it for the first time at the age of 19.  She ended up eating the whole block.

A few months later we were out when she got the call saying she could eat ice cream.  I was more excited than her at first.

“It’s ice cream!”

“It’s just ice cream,” she said.

I was raving all the way to the beach where we got her a soft-serve cone of ice cream dipped in chocolate.  I started her off on vanilla.  I didn’t want her to go into shock.

You know that look on a kid’s face when he goes to Disneyland for the first time?  Or when his favorite cartoon is made into a movie?  I never thought adults can have that same look on their face because there isn’t anything awesome left to experience for the first time (except maybe sex, which is debatable, because most people’s first times don’t make them smile too wide).

Most awesome stuff, like ice cream, is given to us as kids.  Ice cream, candies, theme parks, board games, video games (Ok, maybe i still get way too stoked for video games), it’s all wasted on us as kids.  But i saw Devil Bitch eat ice cream for the first time at the age of 19, and for the next hour we sat at the beach so she could try stawberry and chocolate, so believe me when i say, anyone can be a child again.

What I’m getting at is this: I thought cable was going to be for me what ice cream was for Devil Bitch.  I was wrong.  I have about 200 channels, some are horrible all the time, most the rest are horrible 50% of the time, and maybe 3 (G4, Discovery, and The History Channel) are really decent at least 75% of the time.

But suck mostly or suck on the slim, i’m still paying for all of it.  So, guess what, i’m watching it all.  I’m going to watch shows on Lifetime, O!, USA, SciFi, whatever, and i’m going to review them just for you, Tom.

I was going to write about video games, but this is too long as it is.  Thanks for reading it all.

You just got served, via server.