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It Stinks

By Player 2 ⋅ December 20, 2007 ⋅  Email this post ⋅  Print this post ⋅ Post a comment

So, I hate the holidays, and not for any of the reasons you might think.  It’s not because I have to spend all my money.  I actually like giving gifts and all that jazz.  It’s not because of the Christmas specials taking over the TV.  I enjoy watching Jimmy Stewart travel to alternate dimensions.  What really gets to me are the perfume ads.  What the hell?

They’re pretty much the epitome of the horrors of the human race.  Beyond war, beyond senseless violence, beyond 2 Girls 1 Cup, there are perfume commercials, and I can’t stand to watch them. 

During the year it’s pretty much whatever.  I mean, the ads are out there, but they’re kind of like shark attacks, and you only come across them once every short while.  Now that it’s the holidays, it’s like a minefield. I ever heard one on the radio, no joke.  Some voice, rambling about something stupid, then the name of the perfume.  

I know, it’s hard to sell a scent.  But seriously, is this perfume going to smell like Gwyneth Paltrow’s eye? Oh, I get it, it’s going to smell like being young.  That’s bullshit.  If anything, these commercials just add to the confusion.  But I guess, since women are the most confused organisms to ever walk this Earth, it speaks to them and it sells.

The worst part of the whole thing is that they sneak up on you.  I was just watching the Simpsons, and now I’m watching Gwyneth Paltrow talking gibberish into the camera from a close up so tight I can see her DNA structure.  I used to like you, Gwen.  You used to be one of my heroes.  I want my sweater back.

And all I keep thinking this entire time is that it’s the Holidays.  When all we should be seeing is this beautiful Holiday mumbo-jumbo, which I’ll admit, gets annoying after the 22^nd week, we keep getting these little insane ads for perfume that belong in an empty art gallery in east LA.

I’m going to In and Out today.  Word.  Also, I have something to write about a little later, but I want to see how it ends up.  So…check back later today or tomorrow.

Hannah Montana should make her own perfume.

You just got told, via teller.